Batman
' ' Batman or, as some call him: Bruce Wayne.. wait, sorry. Can't give away his secret identity. Batman or, as some call him: The Dark Knight, The Caped Crusader, or The World's Great Billionaire-turned-superhero '''is the world's greatest billionaire-turned-superhero. Even better than Ironman. He is sometimes called the '''Chuck Norris of comics. Only better. Early life Batman's early life was filled with sometimes getting whatever he wanted, and also grief. His parents were gunned down by some dude named Joe Chill. Batman was like.. 8.You know what else? It was all Batman's fault. That's right. His fault. See, if they hadn't gone to see The Mask of Zorro, or whatever it was called, no one would have died. Here's what happened: Bru-- err, Batman just had to watch that dumb movie again even though he'd already seen it like ten times. Alfred the butler was waiting in the car and then Batman's dad said they should take a shortcut through an alley. Then that Joe dude showed up and was like: "GIMME THE NECKLACE, LADY" and then Batman's dad tried to stop him and then that Joe dude like.. shot B-man's dad and then Batsy's mom was like, thumb|left|300px"THOMAS, NOOO!!!!!" and then Joe shot her too. And they died. And then teh Bat was like "MOM, DAD?" and then started crying like a little baby. Then the Commisioner Gordon guy showed up, but he wasn't Commisioner yet. He was... Captain, I think. Anyway, he showed up and tried to console Batman but it was no use 'cause Batman didn't want to be consoled... HE WANTED REVENGE. And then Batman got up off the ground and then ran to where Joe threw his gun. And he picked it up. But instead of shooting anyone, he just took it and hid it. Teenage years When Baaaaaaaaatman was a teenager, he went to Japan and did martial arts training and stuff. thumb|300px|right|oh noes Adult life As an adult, Batman did some more training and then became the Batman. Life as a bat Life isn't easy for a bat. Take, for example, the fact that everyone believes you are blind. Those people are wrong. But who cares, right? WRONG. As a Batman, Batman was ridiculed all the time by people like the thumb|300px|leftPenguin and the Riddler and the Joker. Hasn't anyone noticed that all three of them have "the" before their real name? That's right. There are no other penguins or riddlers or jokers. Notice I didn't capitalize those. Since the Penguin and the Batman both are named after animals, they formed a sort of bond. However, that bond quickly dissipated when the Penguin was found sleeping with Catwoman! Then, Robin attacked the Penguin for cheating on him. The Dynamic Duo Batman and Robin have been called The Dynamic Duo for two reasons:thumb|300px|right|no moar tiem #They work perfectly together all the time, sometimes. #There's two of them Now, you may be wondering why sometimes they don't work together very well. Well, the thing is. ROBIN'S GAY, BATMAN'S NOT. No, that's not it. Batman's very tolerant. HOWEVER, one day on a quiet spring morning, the two had just finished cleaning up after the Ventriloquist guy. Batman was taking a nap in the Batcave. Suddenly, bats. Thousands of them. But that's normal. The interesting thing was, they all seemed to be going the same direction. That was normal too. However, Batman noticed that they all flew straight to SOME TOY FACTORY. That proved the Joker was behind all these shenanigans. So the two Batman and Robin went to the toy factory in the Batwing. They landed on the roof and began investigating. Then, the roof collapsed. OH NOES. OUR HEROES ARE DYING. Robin is trapped under a giant slab of concrete! Nobody cares, because look! Batman is somehow tied to a metal pole! It turns out it was Knot Man that was behind all this! He tied a special knot that attracted bats, and then used another knot to tie Batman to a pole! Of course, he didn't care about Robin. That kid's no good. Knot thumb|left|300px|LEAVE BATMAN ALONE. LEAVE HIM ALOOONE.Man said that if the Riddler wasn't there in two hours, he would use a special super-knot to kill ''Batman! Then Robin said something about lubrication, and it gave Batman an idea. If he could find some bat-soap in his utility belt, he could slide out of the rope! But first he had to find bat-soap. Do you know how many compartments and gadgets are in that utility belt? A lot. So then Batman got free and used his own special knot to tie up Knot Man for the police. Then he and Robin flew home in the Batwing. The Conspiracy Because Batman hung out with a male child all the time, many people thought he was a homopedosexual. But that's not true. See, Batman wasn't the gay one. It was Robin. If you look at what Robin did many a time, you'll see very clearly. Robin repeatedly dove into people's... ''back-ends, time and time again. Once he even assaulted Batman. That was the last straw. Then Robin was fired. He pretended to kill himself but he really came back as K''NIGHTWING''. Superman Batman and Superman are mortal enemies. But Superman isn't mortal. So they're mortal-immortal enemies. But Superman really can die. But only from prolonged exposure to kryptonite. That's why Batman carries around a kryptonite ring and also a chunk of kryptonite. He's smart like that. Superman.. eh, not so much. HE'S AN IDIOT ''Fin'' This epic tale of Batman's life has been brought to you by Stéphèn. Master of all. Bow before my greatness.